We are Indians, and we are very funny. 
Believe me. Every now and then something we do or something we say that makes me hold my swivelling belly in both hands and break out in shrieks and shrieks of goofed up laughters. 

Just like a coupla days ago, I saw these lines in fine prints, the Health Minister wishes to ban drinking scenes from movies. Terrific ! It was hard for me to get over a goof attack. I was there literally throwing my feets in the air, much like air bicycling. Man, if this ain't funny than what is? After all, the whole nation has become so hillarious, must be inspired by our daily Laughter Challenges on the tubes. I don't know, if it is the nature of screen imitating reality or the other way around. I guess we were funny even before those stupid laughter shows came on TV. That's why I kept on growing on all this funny stuffs I remember now. 

So it is now drinking ban. It had to come after the smoking ban. And seriously our health minister has a lotta thing to do. Why, deaths caused by smoking and drinking is touching the sky high limits. And the least he could do is to ban them, onscreen atleast. Yes, I do cheer for this once a lifetime gag things. 

Much like the times when I had to put fingers in my own ears just coz my boiled out laughter was too much , even for them. Yeah, suddenly the notice came to serve for quota candicates, on a PG curricullum. Nopes, that was serious shit. I laughed my ass out. Reservations !! In IIMs? In IITs? Gawd, some crazy shit happens here awright. Reservation upto college level, I understand. But in IIms and IIts? That's gotta be a joke I could hardly comprehend. But, who klnows, they are funny, must be a cool gag for them to do. We even laugh at trash comedy movies, don't we? 

Sometimes I do wonder what kinda country we are. Secular? Some time of the year it's hard to believe that. Mainly during the election times when the hat trick comes out, playing the caste and religion card is the famous trick netas from this old snake charmers and rope tricks could pull out. Let's hear this old funny tale, not that old too. This one is a rural, extremely interior village in Bengal, entirely Muslim crowd. There comes this politician on his election visit and to enlighten a village full of poor sods. This one line particularly got me ROFLing. Examine this : " Bhaisob, I'll tell you the truth. The bombings of Iraq and Afghanistan, thereal culprits are our opposition leader Madam M and our PM Mr A, you know both of them are allies. Ma'm M convinced Mr A to convince Mr Bush to bomb those nations." Now, that's what I call an impromptu creativity. What a story dude ! Really, and no, It ain't a joke. This is straight off the mouth of some khadi clad in some poor illiterate hungry rural darkland. So being secular is out the question anyway. 

If someone in this country hits you on the road, the best way to get back at him is to prove that he actually belongs to an upper caste or of a different religion. Trust me, you'll hit the jackpot. You'll make it on the national TVs of breaking news. You'll make the parliament where some pot bellied funny bone will accuse the minister of that particular place that he couldn't conduct communal harmony. That's freaky !! Caste and creed are injected to opur bones and God knows, each one of us wants to make something in or out of it. 

The best examples could be seen before or after any movie screenings where some or other party always screaming loud, burning posters and ill-made effigies, throwing stones at screens. Reason : This or that movie degraded, degenerated their community. Sham, Sham, Puppy Sham. Degraded. Degenerated. Those are words those happens to our different communities every other day. And mind me, though the implications of these two words are pretty seriouys, but somehow the continuous usage of them made it just another funny words. 

So are we socialist? Hell No. Socialist like Stalin's GDR or USSR? Nopes, we are not officially, kid. That makes me wonder. The socialist world of equality eventually broke out in blood shed of innocents. Who was it. Stalin or Marx or Mao who said that a thousand bodies is ok to sacrifice for the realisation of the socialist dream? Nomatter who ever did that, we are not socialist. Though oppressing anyone who opposes our dictators is the order of the day, we are not yet GDR or USSR. Just one out of the context question. Communisms believe in history. Do they see the blood on their history then? Foeget it, that's altogether a different matter of fact. 

So what we are? Democratic. Yes, that we are. But more than that we are living the Great Indian Hypocricy. We are democratic coz anyone could do anything, namely destroy properties and/or lives in the name of democracy. And those who wants to protest can't open their mouth coz till them the democracy has moved on to become Hypocricy. And that's the funniest part. You push globalisation but you beat the hell out of immigrants from other state. You talk about open mind then cover up the cheerleaders. Oh, how can I forget, the oh so funny incident called sex education!! Man, that was exaggeratedly funny. And do I hear that colleges are too banning jeans and sleeveless tees !! Ah man. Glad I passed out of college, or else in todays date I had to visit the canteen for a half glass tea wearing a stupid tie with my funny shirt tucked in my flappy pants. That's more funny than Anil Kappor in Tashan. 

The Great Indian Hypocricy has an ally. The Great Indian Breaking News Channels. Where any and every thing is a breaking news. I'd say this is a good thing. You can understand that we have reached an age of discontent and constant vigilation that our lives are full of so many breaking news. Is it like whatever our country people do becomes a breaking news coz given our sense of disparage it's gonna hurt someone's sentiment, personal or religious, sooner or later? I do remember this story of this lady Gudia, who once was the centrepiece of every news channels. Where the analysists and the opinion givers huddled for countless hours who should take her home, his first or second husband. Now someone made a movie on her and now he can't release it coz, again, let me laugh out first, some people protested that it's putting their community in bad light. 

Yes, so much same as smoking and drinking onscreen. Ban them all. People are one step short of banning PDA from public areas, every other day including V day. Ban sex education. Ban saas-bahu serials. Oh no, don't. After all they hold our culture so well, right!! Culture !! Right. One man marrying a lady twice, another one marrying thrice and whatsoever. Ban all things man. Ban us. Ban the democracy. Uphold the Great Indian Hypocricy. Many many years ago, there was this guy from Bengal, who raped and killed a young gal. He was sent to the gallows. His last few days were bold sized media frenzy. His last shave, last food, last songs he heard. So much for raping and killing a girl. And why not !! Is it not our court's order that the rapist needs to marry the rape victim ? Now if that doesn't tickle your funny bone, I dunno what'll. 

I remember this one joke we used to sat in our school hours. There's this convention of world leaders and there's this competition of who's got the biggest hard on. A lady comes in front of them one by one and strips, and then it's measured who got the biggest one. So, this lady comes in front of our esteemed leader and strips. Nothing happens. He stays nonchalant, limp. Upset over her beauty and sensuality, the lady turns around, and then, our leader gets the biggest hard on there ever was. When he was asked the reason why he got such excited when the lady turned, our leader said: Because India is a backward country. 

Ahhh. well. Cheers to that.